Daily Hurdles

I’m Hungry

I keep starting and restarting.  The answer to why I keep gaining the weight back eludes me.  The fact that I over eat doesn’t elude me,  I know that.  But why?  Maybe it’s because of some horrible thing that happened in my past that I don’t fully understand.  Lord knows I have spent many hours sitting in therapy trying to find the answer.  And then suddenly emotions bubble up and I don’t want to go back.  There is some sort of fear there.  Afraid of looking like a doof for crying over something that once I say it, just sounds silly.  I guess that’s the power of talking about those things.  When you shine the light on it, suddenly the pain you associate with it lessens.

Maybe.

Or maybe I am just hungry?  Because that’s how I am feeling right now.  The experts all say that you should eat when you honestly feel hungry.  I honestly feel hungry.  But I know that I am not supposed to be hungry.  I ate a sensible meal and snack.  My stomach is growling at me saying, “You evil wench!  I wan’t the things you won’t give me!”

I am babbling.  Not entirely focused on what I am writing.  Just getting things out.  I did well when I was committed to writing.  I did well when I didn’t let the little things take over my thoughts.  I did well when I worked out and ate right.

Time to start this over.  Maybe with a new blog?  But what’s that going to do?  I can come here to see my accomplishments and my progress and setbacks.

But right now, I am hungry.

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