Psoriasis can kiss my ass · Random Spouting and Ranting

Our journey had advanced

Rant

Today I am mad at myself for so many reasons, but the main thing I am upset about is how I keep letting myself down.  I finally climbed back on this scale this morning and saw what my lack of planning, exercising, food journaling, and lack of commitment to a healthy diet has done to me.  Sure I whined about my psoriasis and said I would make changes.  I said I was totally inspired and back on board after Rachael made her commitment.  And yet, I somehow find a way of sneaking CRAP into my mouth.  It’s never too much. Just enough to let my spiral begin.  I AM SO DONE with doing this to myself.  It’s like when I was drinking and I would binge and act a fool and then wake up the next morning swearing to god and all those that are holy that I will never drink again.  Well, we all know that took me to my bottom and Alcoholics Anonymous.  Thankfully I was able to finally see the effing light and I have over three years of sobriety.  Sobriety is something on which I hardly waver.  I am always reminding myself the food that I am addicted to is food I don’t need to survive.  It’s like poison to my body, and yet, I have a difficult time accepting that fact.  I need to EMBRACE this as fact.  I can’t scoff at it whenever I feel like eating popcorn or pasta or bread or sugary sweets.

END RANT

Commitment

I commit to myself, and to all of you, to make some changes.  I commit to finding a middle ground until I can reach my goals.  I don’t want to be whining and negative.  I commit to finding joy in every day.  I commit to be here to listen and to help you make your own personal life commitments.  I commit to open my eyes to what I am doing to my health by ignoring my bodies warning signs.  I commit to doing one new thing each day and sharing it with you on my Facebook page, no matter how trivial it may be.

Why Commit Now?

Yes, those are my little piggies.

In one month I have gained seven pounds.  It took me over a month to lose just FOUR of those pounds.  Why would I let it just inch it’s way right back onto my belly and thighs? I don’t know.  I don’t have an answer.  But I do know that I am not about to let it happen any longer.  I had rid myself of those pounds and I am done with them.  It’s time to burn them back off and send their friends (the additional 48 lbs I intend to lose) right off my body with them.

I will own and acknowledge my successes though.  When I first started, even way before Project Muffin Top, I weighed in at 233.4 lbs. The highest I have ever been in my life.  Even higher than when I was pregnant with either of my children.  So, I am happy to say I have lost and kept off 28.2 lbs.  Also, if I compare my inches lost, I have lost the following:
Chest – 1″
Bust – 3″
R. Upper Arm – 1″
R Thigh – 1″
Waist – 3″
Hips – 5″
Total inches lost – 14 inches!

So, those are my wins in regards to my weight and size.  There are other wins, such as the fact that I have found an answer to my life long struggle with psoriasis.  Because I stopped listening to my body and started eating poorly again, my body is screaming out at me and showing me how angry it is.

Yes, I have pointy elbows.
Ouch, its starting to crack.
My right hand says “SUGAR SUCKS BALLS”
My left hand said “SCREW YOU GLUTEN”

I am feeling good again, now that I have acknowledged what is happening.  I came home and made a meal that I could eat as well as a meal that my family wouldn’t moan and groan over. I am looking forward to a great workout tomorrow that I will push myself to start and finish.  I am looking forward to getting myself back to feeling as good as I was just a few short weeks ago.  Things are going to be great.

P.S. (For those of you who recognize the title of my blog entry, yes it is the title of an Emily Dickinson poem.  I heart her.  And, you can read this poem to be about reaching the end of life, but I read it today as being about a crossroad and saying goodbye to old habits.)

Our journey had advanced;

Our journey had advanced;
Our feet were almost come
To that odd fork in Being’s road,
Eternity by term.

Our pace took sudden awe,
Our feet reluctant led.
Before were cities, but between,
The forest of the dead.

Retreat was out of hope,–
Behind, a sealed route,
Eternity’s white flag before,
And God at every gate.

Emily Dickinson
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