Things are going along great. At least that’s what I thought, until yesterday when my mood shifted for the worse. I know it’s PMS, but I hate giving so much power to PMS. Hormones are little pissy bitches that just want attention. I won’t give in to them. They want me to throw in the towel with nine days to go? Are they kidding? They want me to be bitchy to everyone (don’t get me wrong. You wrong me and don’t own your bullshit, I have the right to be bitchy) but I won’t give in. I just lay around being lazy and fighting the food battle in my brain.
My cravings have changed. I don’t want to eat as much as I used to when I was like this. I suppose that’s good, but the battle in my head is so bad. It’s practically defeating. And then something like rolling over in my sleep throws out my lower back and I feel even more defeated. I apologize for being overly whiney and depressing, but I needed to get this out. 90 days just isn’t a long enough timeframe to fix me. I am far more broken then what I thought I was when I started. Yes, I am more prepared to accept the challenges and changes then other people, but that doesn’t make me stronger or better at handling those challenges.
So, when I want to hit the kitchen for a binge I have a list of things that I am supposed to do to help keep me from going there. I have tried some, but most times I just wallow in self pity and pray for the desire to pass. It’s been working, but I don’t know how much longer it will. I really need to have those tools in my back pocket ready to use. This last week in regards to working out has been limited to a few crunches, a few late afternoon walks, and trying to get my fudging hip/low back to feel better. Sitting is the worst thing I can do for it. Ten or more minutes in the car, or sitting at work and I have fire shooting down my leg and around my butt cheek. Pretty picture, I know, but it is what it is. I have been using the Tennis Ball Torture method to help. It does work until the muscles start to spasm again. This photo is a fine visual, except I lay on the tennis ball in a tight spot after I have briefly stretched the Piriformis muscle.
There is a far more technical name for this injured muscle, and that is Piriformis. There are tons of strectches out there on the internet you can look up for the Piriformis muscle. It even has a syndrome. I don’t think I have this sydrome, but I did get my degree from the school of WebMD, and I am pretty sure I have come up with the correct diagnosis of not have Piriformus Muscle Syndrome. I just have a pain in the butt.
I am done complaining. I know I will get past this and I am only getting stronger. I know this is hormonal moody bullcrap and in a few days I will be back to myself. But sometimes we are weak, and we need to tell someone, or in my case, anyone who happens to read this blog.