Body Image · My Journey

Day 35 – Barefoot Happiness and Enlightenment

I attended a wedding this weekend for one of my super bestest friends.  Maureen has been a friend of mine since she decided I was going to be her friend, if I liked it or not, nearly 18 years ago.  She had previously been married and going through the motions of trying to make her marriage work.  For years she made sure her son was happy and that everyone on the outside thought her life was near perfection.  I knew she was unhappy, it was obvious.  Maureen was a hummingbird, and she was in a relationship that looked down on her hummingbird ways.  Her wings were clipped and she was caged.  After this weekend she married her true best friend.  Her partner for life and the person who will encourage her fluttering wings, let her fly, and protect her to the end.

Congratulations Maureen and Josh!!

Seeing Maureen so totally happy and in love and secure in herself made me see that these life changes I am making are also setting me free.  My husband is supporting me in my new healthy life (dragging his feet a little along the way, oh how he loves sugar), so he is not what’s holding me back.  It’s me, I am holding myself back.  I’ve been doing it for years with my need to be the tough girl, the girl who doesn’t let her wall down and expects that same toughness from everyone around me.  But that’s not me.  I am 100% supportive of my friends.  I used to make fun of my dear friend Maureen and my best friend Jenn about who was the bigger hippie.  All three of us knew I was secretly a hippie in doc martens and tattoos, but I would deny every accusation.

I am not that judge-y person.  I am happy if my friends are happy.  I want the hummingbird to be a hummingbird and the hippopotamus to be a hippopotamus (yes, inside joke).  AND I want to be me.  I want to accept myself in all that I am in my life.  I want to encourage that same strength and vulnerability in my two girls as well.  I am meant to be a healthy person physically and emotionally.  I am letting down my walls (here and on our webseries) and exposing my weaknesses.  This is me.  And I love me.

  

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3 thoughts on “Day 35 – Barefoot Happiness and Enlightenment

  1. I really believe that losing weight is about forgiving yourself. I was watching this Oprah thing the other day and she had a quote, it was “Forgiveness is recognizing that the past can never be any different” and it made me cry it was so true. I made myself fat, I fed myself crap, then was so mad at myself for being fat that I would punish myself with more crap. I didn’t think I deserved happiness and health. I taught myself to forgive by letting go of my issues with my dad, and then mastered forgiveness with Jason, and after that it was an easy jump to realize that it was time to forgive myself and let go of my past. I can never go back and change the past. I will never know what it is like to be a healthy twenty something, but now I have let go of that, forgiven myself, and love myself despite it, and now that I have learned to accept and love myself and now that I feel so healthy emotionally I want my physical body to be as light and fit as my soul, I want the world to see the real me but even more I want to look in the mirror and feel content that I see the real me. Oh lord, I am rambling. Anyway, you were always so busy being badass that you didn’t realize what a hippie you were, and I was always so busy being a hippie that I didn’t realize what a badass I was. Now, I am both. Hippos are outdoorsy, quiet, seemingly peaceful creatures, but they are strong and fierce and mean when they need to be. I’m a happy hippie hippo.

  2. Hey Girl- I am trying to lose a few myself and just wanted to tell you that I’m super proud of you. It’s extremely difficult, but we are worth it. And, after 36 years of experience, I realize that if I want to look different and feel better, I have to change permanently. So now I get up at 5 and exercise everyday before work. It’s hard and sometimes it sucks but it all gets easier every day. So hang in there and hugs to you. K’la

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