I attended a wedding this weekend for one of my super bestest friends. Maureen has been a friend of mine since she decided I was going to be her friend, if I liked it or not, nearly 18 years ago. She had previously been married and going through the motions of trying to make her marriage work. For years she made sure her son was happy and that everyone on the outside thought her life was near perfection. I knew she was unhappy, it was obvious. Maureen was a hummingbird, and she was in a relationship that looked down on her hummingbird ways. Her wings were clipped and she was caged. After this weekend she married her true best friend. Her partner for life and the person who will encourage her fluttering wings, let her fly, and protect her to the end.
Congratulations Maureen and Josh!!
Seeing Maureen so totally happy and in love and secure in herself made me see that these life changes I am making are also setting me free. My husband is supporting me in my new healthy life (dragging his feet a little along the way, oh how he loves sugar), so he is not what’s holding me back. It’s me, I am holding myself back. I’ve been doing it for years with my need to be the tough girl, the girl who doesn’t let her wall down and expects that same toughness from everyone around me. But that’s not me. I am 100% supportive of my friends. I used to make fun of my dear friend Maureen and my best friend Jenn about who was the bigger hippie. All three of us knew I was secretly a hippie in doc martens and tattoos, but I would deny every accusation.
I am not that judge-y person. I am happy if my friends are happy. I want the hummingbird to be a hummingbird and the hippopotamus to be a hippopotamus (yes, inside joke). AND I want to be me. I want to accept myself in all that I am in my life. I want to encourage that same strength and vulnerability in my two girls as well. I am meant to be a healthy person physically and emotionally. I am letting down my walls (here and on our webseries) and exposing my weaknesses. This is me. And I love me.