Unbelievable that you have been gone as long as you have. I still have moments when I think about picking up the phone to call you. Or that when I stop by the house to see Grandpa, you will be sitting in your chair catching up on your “continued stories”. I know I haven’t been to the cemetery as often as I had intended to go. As time goes on I find I don’t need to because that’s not where you are. I have seen you in my dreams and we catch up over coffee. Sometimes you come to me when I am sitting at work, frustrated with life, and I can here you telling me life’s not so bad. You remind me of the good that has come to me because of the hard work I have put in. Then there are days that I am looking at Zoe and Riley wishing you could watch them grow up, and I feel you tell me you are there by their side..
I miss you every day. I miss your hugs. I miss your laugh. I miss our talks. You were truly my best friend, and it’s so hard to let go.
But do you see me? Do you see how I am trying so hard to make positive changes in my life? I know I have been blessed with love and family and friends, but for some reason I was still so unhappy. I am working on changing that. I am embracing my life and everything within it and letting go of the negative things that were weighing me down. It was heavy and a burden for everyone around me. Only good can come from these changes. I am excited to share it with everyone. Heck, even Maureen is inspiring me to find positive things daily. I really need to get her to share her Project Sunny Side Up with everyone.
Oh! Did you see those treats I made for Zoe’s birthday? I tried so hard to create the perfect little Dalek head for her Doctor Who party. I really could have used your expertise when I was making them. Riley was quite amused as she watched me struggle with the candy coating. I was a candy coated mess. And I was so nauseous from licking my fingers (yes I washed each time I licked) and sampling the treats. I don’t know how you did it.
I took the girls back to school clothes shopping today. That was always a great trip with you. It always ended with a stop at Orange Julius and The Wherehouse on our way out. I would play whatever cassette I picked on the ride home. How you put up with that, I will never know. There are times I want to burn down the house to stop listening to the noise Riley insists on playing. But you were always a trooper. Obviously it’s because you secretly loved The Smiths, 10,000 Maniacs or Butthole Surfers. Although, I guess I had to listen to quite a bit of your music too, otherwise I don’t know how Loretta Lynn, Barbara Mandrel, The Judd’s and Charlie Pride became part of my regular mix on my iPod. I know the same will go for my girls.
I love you! We all do. I am so thankful you were there in my life. I am thankful you raised me and even my friends. We are all so blessed to have in our lives. Goodnight for now, but not goodbye.